Embarrassing…
May? My last post was May? And this is already the start of October? Ridiculous. For five months I’ve been neglecting my writings, my drafts, for what? For the taste of mundane reality. This space is more like my safe space, space where I can be myself and write everything. However, I’ve been dragged into something called… adult paradise. Is It a paradise, though? I doubt it.
I’m an imaginative kid. I like drowning in my own thoughts (and yes, I’m quite an overthinker) and realize new things. I like letting my mind wander into places I’ve never and wished I would have been. Sometimes for a whole day. But lately, I’ve been focusing on another, on life as we know it. I’m going to be 24 late this year and I’m still dependent. I haven’t had the feeling of purchasing a new gadget from my own money. The thought of having my own house stray far far away from my crowded mind. I’m unemployed, and sooner or later, I’ll be falling apart.
This pandemic has been around for way too long. People are losing jobs, stores are forced to come to an end for an uncertain amount of time. The economy is tumbling — not that I understand the economy. I’m one of the affected ones here. I’ve been applying to as many job vacancies as a person could possibly imagine. I’ve been having mental breakdowns too many times. This pandemic is more than just being forced to wear a mask and stay at home, this pandemic is walking on a plank, by each step is closer to the edge and eventually the Covid-19 Pirate will poke our back with a dagger gently so we’ll fall deep into the ocean by ourselves. By the virus or by the situation caused by it, either way, we’ll suffer.
So then I forced myself to be better every day. To wake up and say, “today is not the day to be wuss,” to myself. To not cry for too long after every rejection. To get back up quickly and find other strategies to find a job without sacrificing my whole sanity. I’ve cried way too many times regarding this one, to the point where I got numb. If you don’t like me, then it’s your loss. Someone will find me, and they will make my dreams come true. I just got to wait.
I’m not alone. Many of my friends, relatives are struggling to land a profession too. Each day would feel horrible. It’s hard to get up in the morning and decide to be okay for the rest of the day. And don’t get me started on bank accounts. Pain. Only pain. We all know money keeps us going, and without it, it’s just void. I read tweets of my friends and followings expressing their hardship. We’re all truly in a difficult situation. This is no time to bring each other down. Just staying sane is enough, and it’s already hard to achieve.
So yeah, these past few months I’ve been indulging myself in the agony of reality. Every day is a day to try not to die or go crazy. I miss the time when life was okay. I miss being able to see my friends whenever I could. Also my boyfriend. Yeah, he’s one of the main people who keeps my feet on the ground. I’ve been in my darkest times, and it was truly frightening. If you’re reading this, please reach out to your loved ones. Check on them, be there for them. You have no idea how this pandemic affects many lives. Be kind always no matter what, we are all going through it together.
As a closing statement, well, I hope I’d get to write more here. I love listening to the clicking-clacking on my keyboard so I’d go on and on blabbering about stuff nobody cares about. I hope we will all get better and the people responsible behind this mess (hint: govt) will be held accountable. Jokes. Stay safe, everyone.